A Hop, Skip, & a jump
Out west, the light lingers longer, like it knows something I dont. Loving you from down here feels like learning a new weather pattern. all wind and waiting. sunsets that arrive without permission. i say your name with a tiny whisper, not because Im not sure. but because I feel like I gotta careful. I don’t know if you feel the same gravity tuggin at your waist and pullin at your ribs.. or if this is just a solo orbit I’ve chosen to commit to. Still, I let time do what she does best. I dont shove the hours or shake at the seconds. Im kind to the hands that spin round our clock. because I know they’re much older than my impatience and way wiser than my wants.
As a boy, I used to fib little “romantic” lies dressed up as courage. I dreamt of you last night, I would say to my lil crushes, just to strike a match and watch if the conversation would glow. It was kinda easy then. Harmless. But now the dreams arrive uninvited and stay a lil too long. They come dressed in every costume imaginable. Tender, awkward, electric, aching. Some leave me smiling into the morning, others bruise me awake. Somehow I let myself forget sometimes. but u exist there in ways I cant control. and that feels like proof ..or at least evidence worth holding. If dreams are the subconscious writing letters that we won’t ever mail, then mine have been sending shit tons. That has to mean something. I think. right? ugh.
I cant yet name what this is. Love feels too final, longing too lonely, lust too small for the way my chest behaves when I think of you. All I know is that I feel something. like truly feel. that alone feels like a quiet miracle. Maybe the lesson is not to define it too early. how could I demand certainty from a story that’s still learning its first sentences. I think I’ve learned to hope without squeezin too hard. I think I learned to care without cornering the future. I try to stay pretty optimistic.. but not without a lil tremor in my step. The path ahead is open. and beautiful. and a little foggy. but im frolickin forward, trusting that whatever waits will recognize the kindness I carried all the way there.